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-- Euphoria (http://www.forumihorizont.com/showthread.php3?threadid=9972)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Social Worker: It crossed the road to be able to understand both sides.

An actuary: It looked in the file and that's what it did last year.

A consultant: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Our consulting firm, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), we helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive here was.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

How dentists do it...

Dentists do it in your mouth.
Dentists do it orally.
Dentists do it with drills and on chairs.
Dentists do it with filling.
Dentists do it and then tell you to spit.

Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha SmoKer`
Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Social Worker: It crossed the road to be able to understand both sides.

An actuary: It looked in the file and that's what it did last year.

A consultant: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Our consulting firm, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), we helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive here was.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

---

If Computers were Jewish

1. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "farklempt"
2. Hanukkah screen savers would have "Flying Dreidles".
3. Your PC would shut down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
4. CD-ROM's would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high compression DVB's (digital video bagels).
5. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
6.. Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!".
7. During Passover, your PC would not be able to read "leavened floppies".
8."Microsoft Word" would be renamed to "Microsoft Kibbitz".
9. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that".
10. When running "scandisk", you would be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.
11. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud "Oye!!!".
12. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmutz" on your monitor.
13. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Schluffy"
14. Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.
15. Solitaire would be replaced with on-line "Mah-Jong."
16. Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.
17. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
18. You would hear the tune "Hava Nagila" during startup.
19. "Year 2000" issues would be replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.
20. Bill Gates' official theme song would be "If I were a Rich Man.

SOME QUICKIES

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."
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"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your Honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

Think about this one ! ! ! ! !

On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds
after 1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

You may now return to your (normal ?) life.