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-- valentine jokes (http://www.forumihorizont.com/showthread.php3?threadid=7386)

valentine jokes

hey, in here u can put anything about valentine jokes and all that crap u would use to sumone u hate, for valentine's day!

here is an example:

of all the beautiful sights, i only see you
that's cuz your fat ass is blocking my view!!

the first line is sweet and the other, mean!

you can also put anything else, just no name calling and waheva that is not proper, im just sick of that!

um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

don't u hear your own echo? echo? echo? echo? echo? echo?...

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

---

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha vampirechick
um...nobody's answering...so how do u shut this crap down?

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I never thought of you as a echo of someone else...muhahahahahaha

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha Aljohin
I never thought of you as a echo of someone else...muhahahahahaha

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Are you hypnotized...or you are a zombie?

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha Aljohin
Are you hypnotized...or you are a zombie?

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Rules by which females are governed :-)

1.The FEMALE always makes the rules.


2.The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.


3.No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.


4.If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.


5.The FEMALE is never wrong.


6.If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.


7.The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.


8.The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.


9.The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.


10.The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.


11.The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.


12.The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.


13.The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.


14.The MALE who doesn't abide by THE RULES; can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!


15.Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.


16.The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.


17The MALE must be ready at ALL times.

Be My Valentine
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Student of Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean? $300?"
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!
What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"

Bin Laden's Valentine
A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "As Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?"
The father thinks for a moment and then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," the boy says.
"Why Osama ," his father asks in disbelief.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd jump with joy. And then he'd go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Father's heart swells and he looks at his son with newfound pride and joy.
"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said... You wear briefs, don't you?

Priest... I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said... Who's gonna look?

It's Valentine's Day

Don't forget...Pay attention to this rules
How to choose the perfect gift?

For Him:

1. Avoid soaps, lotions, potions, anything that smells like candy. Unless it's actually candy.

2. Flowers. He just doesn't understand why you would buy him something that he has to a) nurture and b) nurture. If you simply must, a cactus might pass--but remember, he wants a gift that can take care of itself.

3. Unfun tools. Yeah, he gets it. You want him to shovel the snow. Do not buy him a shovel to drive the point home. (Large noisemaking power tools excluded.)

4. Dinner. It's a blatant cop-out. Saving him the 80 bucks does not a romantic gesture make. A gift should come in a box. (Unless it is a kitty or a pup, which are other things you should not get him. See rule #2).

5. An electric razor. If he wanted one, he would have bought it for himself (and of all the gadgets, this is not likely one he's coveting). Ask yourself: Do you want him to buy you a razor?

6. Boxer shorts. To men, they're truly utilitarian. No frills. No styles. (Same goes for socks.)

7. A tie. Dude, he's not your dad. So unless you plan to tie him up with it and give him his real present, ditch the old standard.

For Her:

1. Anything that even remotely implies that she is not physically perfect: gym memberships, Botox, diet plan subscriptions, self help books and the like.

2. A bathing suit. Unless it comes with a trip to the Bahamas, she does not want your input on this personal matter. What's more, you're likely to give her an anxiety attack when she thinks about trying it on (especially after the great binge/food fest with the in-laws that were the Holidays 2007).

3. Toys. Women usually do not want video games. We might occasionally like to kick your butt in Wii, but that does not mean we want Street Fighter II (or whatever game it is you're playing). Also, your avatar is lame.

4. Homemade coupons. Whether they're for dish duty, garbage duty, dinner, or something else, she's not likely to be impressed. Did your high school girlfriend even use hers?

5. A gift certificate. Step it up with something a little more personal--unless it's for 300 dollars and you can't wait to take her to the store and shop. All. Day.

6. Food. Unless you're the Iron Chef or Francois Payard, skip anything home-baked. When her friends ask what you got her for V-day, she does not want to have to regurgitate. Literally.

7. A magazine subscription. Bo-ring.

8. Tickets to the "big game." Hate to break it to you, but when she said she loved football, she was lying. Save the sports stuff for your buddies.

9. A DVD box set of your favorite show. You've both already seen every episode. It will just accumulate dust with the rest of the collection.

10. Same goes for CDs. Hello, iTunes.

11. Appliances. Every man has made this guffaw. Just because she says, "I need a new vacuum" does not mean you should buy her a vacuum.

12. Any gift you once bought for an ex-girlfriend. She will find out--and punish you.

Does that sound like a Happy Valentine's Day to you?:p