Forumi Horizont (http://www.forumihorizont.com/index.php3)
- Gjuha Spanjolle (http://www.forumihorizont.com/forumdisplay.php3?forumid=178)
-- darke (http://www.forumihorizont.com/showthread.php3?threadid=6026)

darke

it's beautifull.
who knows ,maybe someday i will visit it .

mona

close this one pls.
it was a mistake.

thnx

Re: mona

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha BluE_icE
close this one pls.
it was a mistake.

thnx

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Let's start...

Then she saw him, sitting in the corner by himself. Not separate, not at all. He was as much a part of the room as the chair he sat on. He had an arm slung over the back of that chair, while the other hand held a cup she knew would hold strong tea laced with Irish.

An unpredictable man he might be, full of starts and stops and quick turns, but she knew him. Of all the men she had known, she had loved no one with the full thrust of her heart as she loved Tom Concannon.

She said nothing, crossed to him, sat and rested her head on his shoulder.
Love for him rose up in her, a fire that warmed doen to the bone but never burned. His arm came from around the chair and wrapped her closer. His lips brushed across her temple.

When the song was done, she took his hand in hers and kissed it. “I knew you’d be here.”

“How did you know I was thinking of you, Maggie, my love?”

“Must be I was thinking of you.” She sat back to smile at him. He was a small man, but toughly built. Like a runt bull, he often said of himself with one of his rolling laughs. There were lines around his eyes that deepened an fanned out when he grinned. They made him, in Maggie’s eyes, all the more handsome. His hair had once been gloriously red and full. It had thinned a bit with time, and the gray streaked thorugh the fire like smoke. He was, to Maggie, the most dashing man in the world.

He was her father.

“Da,” she said. “I have news.”


Well my friend, could you say where is this text from?… poooooooooooooooooo BORN IN FIRE by Nora Roberts… It’s the book that I’m reading now (when I got tired from my urban affairs…) and poooooooooooooo Maggie is like me! Yeah yeah right!… as Maggie I have been in love and admired all my life to my father. And also he has loved me since I was born; I never needed words to know it, just looking at his eyes has been always enough. I like this foto... the water was cold for someone born in fire... but there was the eyes of my father, his face... enough...

wow

wow ,wow

you did a good job in surprising me.

Maggie Conncanon is a girl that spits fire from her mouth , e leader, a very talented woman ,a whimp, fuocoso corazon :p

She was alone – as she liked best...

She had her place, and anything beyond it was out of her realm, and therefore, most usually, out of her mind. Maggie preferred needing no one, and certainly needing nothing she could not provide herself.

Dependence, she knew, and the longing for more than what you had, led to unhappiness and discontent.

(Page 32)

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha darke


Dependence, she knew, and the longing for more than what you had, led to unhappiness and discontent.

(Page 32)

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Hey darke, is that you in the picture??

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha BUCS
Hey darke, is that you in the picture??

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha analistja


How could she know if she didn't try? I don't like this theory. it's too individualistic. the conception of "having" doesn't really belong to the spiritual things, for you can't have what is not materialistic.

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha darke


What is unhappiness but the frustration of what you don’t have, even more, of what you can’t have?
…

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha darke

She didn’t try? You don’t need to try anything. Life gives it to you by itself. Everybody is born in dependence of a mother, of a family. Also, you don’t need to live alone for feeling solitude. The longing for the love of a person that is not with you, the longing for anything that you can’t have makes you to feel frustrated. There is no need to try.
The conception of “having” YES belong to the spiritual things, in a different way of course, but it exists. Actually the lack of the spiritual things are the one that hurts more, the longing for a person that you love, his absence in your daylife… who cares about material things? Not me. What is unhappiness but the frustration of what you don’t have, even more, of what you can’t have?
…but you learn to be like this; solitude makes you stronger and at the same time it feeds your sensibility… In this point, you feel totally sure, you control your world, it’s only you and your work... your world inside...

...hugging my world... I feel good about myself, I know my way of life, my character, my individual traces, my world... I still struggles with my own flaws and looks and troubles...

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for you

mis chicas

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha BluE_icE
to my opinion unhappiness is a frustration.......... of not appreciating what you already have.

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha analistja
Frustration exists because we like to complicate our lives with the labirints of thoughts. read what I wrote in diario. real life is not what you think, but what you taste.

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hej cutie

.. i have learned (very lately) to give thanks about things that happen in my life. The little surprises, the small gifts of life,blessings and all these. I used to take everything for granted(i still do,but not as much as before)having a gratefull attitude makes you so much happier than not appreciating what you have ,how far you have gone and have hopes for what you can atchieve.

Re: hej cutie

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha BluE_icE
.. i have learned (very lately) to give thanks about things that happen in my life. The little surprises, the small gifts of life,blessings and all these. I used to take everything for granted(i still do,but not as much as before)having a gratefull attitude makes you so much happier than not appreciating what you have ,how far you have gone and have hopes for what you can atchieve.

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Re: Re: hej cutie

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha darke
kisses for everybody!!!
[/size]

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha BUCS
Will you be able to kiss over 4000 members??:p

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And remember that a kiss is not a kiss without a tongue

A kiiiss is not a kiiiiss in Casablanca

Anybody remembers who sings it?
oh i miss that song. I so want to listen to it again.



today was

green
reflection
like a watercolor painting
noise
lights
the road like a map of printed shoes
a road of heartbeats
SILENCE
noise of cars
an old red truck ,dodge
poetic
the cool of the night
coolness in air
reflection of light
in the wet damp pavement
my shadow is vague..
i like the noise of my shoes
on the pavement
swirl...
swirl...
blackness
and
light
No moon tonight
not any less magic
not any less poetic
the eternal
(even in darkness)
sunshine...

A virtual letter to you

(have no sleep)

In the paths of life ,streets,encounters you can suddenly recognize people of your own kind .The look in their eyes is unqestionable ,is unmistakable.Just from that look you can tell sb. has been through hell and kept going with hope inside his pockets...You can tell wether he has been in the so known prison or not,a prison of mind ,a prison born from the wrong definition of freedom...
When I saw into your eyes,i saw familiarity.They were penetrable ,just like mine,because just like me you had a story to tell,a sad story.A sad past that maybe ,just maybe was going in the present too..
No surprise ,there are people out there that their sad past is their present hell...And the eyes tell all of it.
There's a special code,an unerstanding without words ,with just looks,among us ,among people that fight in a spiritual world,that want to express things creatively . It's a special light of eagerness in the eyes,eagerness to open up,to embrace and wellcome people even though we love so much the solitude.There's an eagerness to let things out of the chest ,confess to sb and ,if he doesn't understand you at least repsects your whimps of joy and your downfalls of depression,your moodiness.
But the eagerness doesn't get filled ,still..
The more you open up,the more you want to express ,to get it off your being and form something indipendent ,that resembles you .It's a releif ,a grasp.
It's art..
We do ,I do , You do.
It is as powerfull as the look in the eyes
eager look
penetrable
transcendent light
expressive
It's a good tension we build in air,an aura, an energy we have in our silence.
Just by that look you can know what a person is like.My intuition has already made surprisingly galopant steps in recognizing people with a look.
It's a matter of the light in the eyes,their shapes.There's something wide and passionate,something unfullfilled in them,something helpless and at the same time beautiful.
The unfullfillness takes wings to get filled outside the being .I guess that's what makes me write or paint or play music for that matter.I print in this way in time a materialized self ,a resemblence to fill the void and i want that resamblance to go detected, to be appreciated ,explored and prized because it is me and i want "hugs". Artists want hugs...
I have a story to tell.
You have a story to tell.
Everytime i want to freeze a moment and fix it in my memory ,everytime i feel the need to leave footsteps of a vivid real life scene in paper, everytime i feel the need to sketch a still life object or make a photo iwant to tell sth.
I feel i have a story to show ,a story coming from the past and living in my present .I don't know what the story is ( i know it is deep in my subconscious that comes out in flashes and daydreams) but i know i have to let it out in different shapes,comes in different characters,different times and places.
I have a story to tell-that is what the eyes are eager to say.
that is why i find in almost everything sth to create ,sth that is my imprint .
That's how art begins i guess...

FROM THE SERIES OF VIRTUAL LETTERS

Lately i have discovered things that have opened my eyes. It's a CLICK,not a photoshooting click ,an AHA-moment click.
Not about writing,but about life.
It is like a black shakespeare -curtain opening up ,actors coming out, stories ,lives to be known ,to be a part in.
If before i was a spectator ,a poor one because i was the audience of myself not of the events and people around me ,now i am an actor ,i have a plot ,a gist ,goals to be finished at the end of the show .But the most important thing of all is that i am not faking ,i am true ,playing myself.

I am me and if i act not to please an audience but to please an invisible eye ,sth far greater, far deeper i will be praised not only in this life but even in the other.
Have you ever felt that you were on top of the world ,that you could do anything ,invincible and powerful? HAve you felt like flying ,full with energy and ideas and hope lingering around you?
And have you ever felt so low that you could bite your nails , eat your heart out, feel a slithering cut of melancholy and solitude in the middle of the night as well as in the sunshine peak of the day ? Have you felt depressed ,trapped with fears and doubts?
I HAVE.I am sure you have...everybody has..
Some days ago i had feelings of loneliness ,shyness and guilt.
Guilt ruled ,it was powerful, it was cruel....
Today i am surprisingly calm and peacefull like a quiet sea with white waves.
I was the sea in every wave :why then some of the waves were bitter and some sweet?
I am the actor of my play(life) why then in the same play i perform excellent and bad ?
Today i read the saying: feeling small is a reflection of how you see yourself not of how others see you. Feeling powerfull is the same thing.And yet at both cases it is me .
It is wether an ilusion or a desilusion.
Everyday you hear or read sayings like: you have your life in your hands ,or if you believe you are a winner you probably are, or everything can be atchieved if you believe , but what they are missing is the main point.
You need sth to be focused ,you need an exaple in your life.Since people live with examples all their lives why not choose the right one ?
I choose an eye,i choose Jesus.

VIRTUAL LETTER TO LORIE

Dear Lorie,

I have been reading your letters. You always make me think. I tell you that the example that I chose is my father. Jesus is too much abstract for me.
Today, I was sat down in a park, in the green, drawing some sketches in my notebook. In these kinds of moments is when I can be during hours just looking around, in silence, observing people, listening to movement of the trees... (it's like becoming invisible for a while). I was thinking of my desire to come to Chicago. I remembered when I told about my desire to my father during a lunch. He didn't answer me in that moment. He just listened to me and I know he was reading in my eyes more than what I was talking there. Deep down, people complain, I have complained lot of times even I do, but people love routines. The reason seems to be very simple: routines give them the false sensation of being safe. Today will be exactly like yesterday, and tomorrow will bring no surprises. When night falls, part of the soul complains that nothing different was experienced, but another part is content – paradoxically, it is for the same reason. “Evidently this safety is completely false; no one can control anything, and a change always appears at the moment one least expects it, taking us surprise and with no chance to react or fight (like love?).
What is reality? It is that which we imagine it to be. If many people “think” that the world is like this or like that, everything around us crystallizes, and nothing changes for some time. However, life is a constant evolution – social, political, spiritual, on whatever level it may be. In order for thngs to evolve, it is necessary for people to change. As we are all interlinked, sometimes destiny gives those hindering evolution a push. Generally in a tragic way, but tragedy depends on the way you see it. If you chose to be a victim of the world, anything which happens to you will feed that side of you where you consider yourself wronged, suffering, guilty and deserving punishment. If you choose to be an adventurer, the changes – even the inevitable losses – can cause some pain, but will soon thrust you forward, forcing you to react.
I was reading this afternoon that in some oral traditions, wisdom is represented by a temple, with two columns at its entrance: these two columns always have names of opposite things.
I would call to one Fear and the other Desire. When a man stands at this entrance, he looks at the column of Fear and thinks: "my God, what will I find further ahead?" Then he looks at the column of Desire and thinks: "my God, I'm so accustomed to that which I have, I wish to continue living as I have always lived." And he remains still; this is what we call tedium. Tedium is... movement which ceases?. Instinctively, we know we are wrong, and we revolt. We complain to our family, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, children, neighbors. But, on the other hand, we know that tedium and routine are safe havens.
Can a person remain his whole life in this situation? People can be pushed by life, but resist and remain there, always complaining - and their suffering will be useless, will teach them nothing.
We can stand for the rest of our days facing one of the many doors we should go through, but we must understand that we have only truly lived up to that point. We may continue to breathe, walk, sleep and eat - but with less and less pleasure, because we are already spiritually dead and does not know it.
"Until one day when, as well as our spiritual death, physical death appears; at that moment God will ask: "what did you do with your life?" We must all answer this question, and ohhhhhhhhhhhhh those who answer: "I remained standing at the door."

and where am I

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha analistja
and where am I

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha analistja
and where am I

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Letters again..

Today was not like yesterday,tomorrow won't be like today.
Even if there's a slight chance of taking some time off from self exploring ,its' there ,it's a living thing.
It is tremendously ,constantly a line that never stops , a journey that has no end.
Yesterday it was not me writing
Today it is me
Tomorrow it won't
As soon as i finish typing this letter to both of you it won't be me because i will have already changed just by writing it .Writing is a mirror that you put for yourself to see where do you fall short ,what's missing ,what needs to be done. It's self-consciousness.
Did you know that we are APT to be over self- conscious about different circumstances in order to produce them in an artistic way? It's strange,scary, but to me it comes natural.
Time ago a mirror was put in front of some monkeys by psychologists to see if animals think and realize that they are seeing the self.They did , they checked themselves ,their faces in the mirror.
Once i took Tessy ,my cat and hold it in front of the mirror.She looked dumb,not any clue what she was seeing, herself or some shiny surface?
At the point i felt lucky to have the gift of being self conscious about myself and of course about others. I would have gone nuts if i hadn't any idea what i was, what i was doing in this world ,what the purpose of me being here was? I found the answer to this questions feeling lucky again considering that many people don't know what they look for even at the last minutes of their lives.
I remember the french movie "les invasions barbare" ,where Remy Girard ,a cinical ,arrogant person having had lots of flirts and adventures with women,having had the fun of his life,being rich ,is faced to the imminent death.And what does he say in the last days of his life is:
-I still can't come to terms with it
-You know you have to
-I can't accept it
-That's how it is, It's the law .The very instant you shut your eyes millions more will die with you.
-But i won't be there anymore,Me.I'll be gone for good. If at least i'd learned sth.I feel as hopeless as the day i was born.I haven't found a meaning .It's ....i have to search .I have to keep searching...
Now isn't that sad? All his life didn't have a meaning.He lived a shallow life.
And the sarcasm in the other scene when his friends are with him begins:
-we've been everything..separatists,supporters of independantist,sovereignists,
-at first we were existencialists we read sartre and camus
-we became anti-colonialists.we read marcuse and became marxists.
-marxiste-leniniste
-trotskyists
-maotists
-then we changed ,we were structuralists,situationists
-feministe-a woman friend of his said
-deconstructionalists
(and then the final verse that struck like irony to these fools)
Is there any ISM we haven't worshiped ??

All these lives ,empty lives ,lives in search of answers for embracing the right world view.They never found the truth ,the way of living happily.
That's why poor Remy was empty ,he didn't have any richness in his spirit, he was starting to live only when he said: i have to search, i have to keep searching .(for answers)
That's why so many old people when they see death approaching start to read the bible.
Please ,don't stop searching for answers till you are sattisfied ,till you are filled ,complete and happy,till you won't feel like an akiles torned appart ,till you finally feel home. home in your spirit.
Please...it is the most important thing in this life.You have your self-consciousness as a gift to find out.And curiosity too.
Please try...
PLEASE...

Letter II

My dear Lorie,

The searching is neverending… I carry home inside me. Sometimes when I was at “home” it was painful, some things was not right, but my idea of “home” was in me, home has always been my refuge. My home. In some way, I am my own home.
Do you see all those people here with that flags “PROUD TO BE ALBANIAN”. They carry their homes with them, Albania is in their minds, Albania is in their faces, in the sound of their voices. I saw Albania in you, in your sister, in Greta, in Arjana, when I met you. Do you see? Albania is walking out there everyday… how many Albanias are there in the world?
Few time before dying, my grandfather said: “Life is a shit”. Is it supposed that he found the “truth”? Oh, I have so many questions that I would wanted to ask him…

Letter I

Life continues with its surprises and events take place with such a tremendous speed that is impossible to focus on them all and try to understand their meaning. Long time ago I challenged time and invited it into a duel. lately it seems we are quite getting along together, many things are erased by it, but I try to redefine them so that I keep the tempo carring with me all my memories. I try to redefine myself and the changes in me everyday. changes that amase me. Before I used to think that these changes are a tipical part of my lunatic characteristics. Now I think are more changes that derive from my immediate response, sometimes unconscious, to my reality. Trying to find my place in this world not by detaching myself from it ( as I used to do till some time ago) and living closed in my inner world, but by knowing it by trying to understand it, while keeping untouched the axes of my value system seems to be my greatest challenge. I have to give up a lot and it is frustrating. I feel lost sometimes, I feel pain, its difficult to close myself back in my shell. But at least I am on my way to finding a balance, without getting rid of the backbone of my existence. and that is LOVE.

?

for sure ,the one holding leaves in hands, or occasionally small aromatic colorful flowers in a physics class was ----me. It had started gradually ,then became a habit which it got transformed into unconscious collecting.Whether i was in a bible study, in a science class, painting ,INS immigration offices, i ,well i had sth in my hands.
-did you bring this for me?--- opps feeling of embarassement ,then-yes this is for you-smile more of a grin.
-Is this leaf real?--surprised..of course can't you tell? instead of saying that-- yes it is real.
-wow ,you collect leaves?
-No i don't.
-where did you get this ? -surprised
Me more then ever--- well there're plenty of trees with leaves...
-You are a romantic ?
Grin again: i guess.--know so little about me huh? Don't worry i don't expect you to know more.
Class ends, uhh tests again.
Have a good night to you little chineese girls.
I stop at the door .Where's my leaf? Forgotten .Sth else catches my attention . The eclipse's time hung on the door of the lab class.
9:15PM---partial eclipse of the moon
10:23--total eclipse begins
11:04--Mid totality
11:44--total eclipse ends
12:54--partial eclipse ends
October/ 27/2004
The prof behind my back while i take notes--Are you going to see it?
-Yes i will.--damn i wish i had a camera.
-You had one ,right?-D suggests in the car.
-I had one yes. Finished all of them.Can't resist temptation. Should by a proffesional one ,i guess.
-Red sox playing tonight? -i go to the kitchen.Hear her voice of astonishement.
-Wow they 3 to 0 up to now. They are winning big time.
Guess i have no interest in baseball like last year that i wanted to join a club to learn the sport. Still i want to persue the dreams of piano and flying lessons--grin-parashooting-grin again.
-I prayed for the Sox to win tonight.
Yeah heard that ,you prayed for me too. It was very inspiring, very encouraging.Meg and you encouraged me so much.
-You are my favorite sister in the world, have i told it to you?
A million times.
well what can i do , i am stuck with you--grin -- i am a punk,yeah.
I have noticed that lately because you have repeated it several times that i am a punk . and then grin with me.
What a good mirror you are sis!
what an angel!
thnx.

letter 2.
remember when I asked you when the circumstances repeat themselves do we react the same?
you said no, because we aren't the same..
time makes us mature, time changes the way we understand and see things, even the way we react to the same situations when they keep repeating. when the actors keep saying the same things, keep doing the same things... in reality it seems like the time has stopped. that it went away and yet it seems like only a moment ago... many things seem so far away, many others seem unchanged... and that frightenes me... recycling of figures situations circumstances.... recycling of what has been going on with me and I thought I became immune...

where am I in all this? Many things I see differently, but many things have remained untouched... by the effect of time... I think I am a lost case as far as concernes the fact where am I in my life.

what place do I give to myself? the answer is Don't know yet..... the only thing I know is that I am soooooooooooooo damn tired so I have no energy neither to analyse, nor to think....... I hardly have energy to feel...... and all I feel in this moment is physical weakness and a kind of fear...
yes is full moon. magic and misterious frightening autumn full moon.....
it gives birth to all my fears... and to all my crasy fantasy.

girls this is gona be a veryyyyy long weekend.....

Letter III

Dear lorie and jona,

The last 18th of october I received a letter. It started like this:
“the stagnation of heart is when you don't appreciate little things.
i have started to "walk" more since you left…
freeze more moments.”
I just couldn’t avoid some kind of rain in the eyes. I thought: She saw me when she looked at me. It was nice to meet you my friend.
I continue visiting this place, forumihorizont, to meet with my friends; seeking things, unique things, that I only find here. We inhabit the same place here. We are neighbours of the same place. We are not far mi jona. Psychologists tell us that we answer trouble with one of two impulses, either fight or flight. It's funny because I have dreamed so many times that I can fly... I really can fly at nights... I fly!
Since Copernicus, we have known better than to see the earth as the center of the universe. Since Einstein, we have learned that there is no center; or alternatively, that any point is as good as any other for ovserving the world. Or what I lately have read from a Zen master: “This spot where you sit is your own spot. I t is on theis very spot and in this very moment that you can become enlightened. You don’t have to sit beneath a special tree in a adistant land.”
If you stay put, your place may become a holy center,not because it gives you special access to the divine, but because in your stillness you hear what might be heard anywhere.
We share a same place and a same time. It does not matter how long a relationship lasts. It matters what you do with that time, and that it matters how you remember and "use" the experience of time that was shared if the bond should break. That is how I always thought about it and it is the message that I want to give you.

letter III

My dearests,
I told you about the frightening full moon... What I haven't told yet are my thoughts when is full moon. it was a frightening night... I might write them to you but not here . what I am happy for is that those thoughts or more, that monologue, was only when was the full moon. and What I am more greateful for is that no matter what kind of thoughts I have, no matter what lunatic explosions I have, my essence doesn't change. I keep on discovering reality, I closely watch people's behaviour, I enter deep inside their thoughts... I keep on developing my sensibility and my 6th sense. But I have come to the conclusion that I can't change my backbone. I can't become what sometimes I wished I were, even though the reality needs a different reaction. But I am marking the lines and establishing a balance... I am trying to keep in balance myself..a great challenge for a lunatic like me

now I am focusing on the changing colours of autumn... it is so beautiful and I am making a whole collection of dried leaves.....
I am trying to become one with the nature... where I find my peace and where I regenerate my innerself.

see u soon

Letter to u 2

Today i wanted to scream,or maybe just have the courage to talk to sb that i know is willing to help me. Why didn't i do it?
Because of my pride,because i don't let poeple see how vulnerable i am. I want to be the first, i want to be noticed and praised. I want appreciation that is rightful ,i want encouragement.
If i hear any word against me ,that man is gone.
I hate mistakes. I hate the feeling of guilt that creeps everytime i do sth i shouldn't have done. I hate criticizing myself ,overprotecting myself.
It is not that i hate discipline ,i hate not giving credit to what i do and emphasizing the wrongdoings in me.
and then flashes come back to my mind, pieces of conversations,of my words where u see clearly that i limit myself .
Have become my worst enemy haven't i ? huhh.

-what are u doing at 2 a'clock?
-oh a job interview.I don't think i am going though.
-Why?
-it's a part time job about marketing .I don't know much about marketing.
-So what?When you came here u knew nothing and look what you have atchieved now.
-hmm good point.and the employer sounded such a nice person on the phone.it's like the leadership job..you know i would like to read that book you were reading before about leadership.I love intelligent and disciplined poeple.Leadership without discipline is not leadership.
-true and one of the factors of being a good leader is knowing what people are you working with ,their strengths ,their weaknesses, their talents.
-That is true too.Some leaders are born,some become while training,some don't, some don't want to.
-but wait ,everybody is a leader at some extent;leader of his own life, of his family, of his group, of his political party, of his company, of his nation and so on.

ah by the way ,elections today huh?
-----------------
it is so easy for me to write pages about a trapped girl in her own sandclock glass seeking for help rather then forget my pride and be open to ask for help or be open to show my true feelings of vulnerability. It comes so easy writing,like now. Why is that? Why?
I have already changed ,for good changed some of my ways that i am sure i will never turn to them . But my heart is still guarded ,is still afraid of-- i don't know ----disapointment i guess,fear of failing ,i want to be successful always. pfff, and i have to have patience.
The challenge is so difficult for me to overcome.I want things quick and fast.
Anyways after lamenting about what i hate -sounds like a movie:10 things i hate about myself i want to thank some people in my life that have been very patient with me.
At least sb has some patience in this world where you want things done fast cos hey the time goes in a snap, u have an appointment here, a doctor's visit there, a project later on and blah blah blah.
Sure when i read this letter later i will sound pathetic to myself.i know the cycle of my thinking by heart.
I know i am not doing very well spiritually ,but i will try my very best to keep hope and optimism high.Thnx also to you two .You girls have taught me many things ,one is looking deep into myself and rediscovering myself,believing in 6th sense,keep changing and changing. Thnx for being such good friends.

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha darke

It does not matter how long a relationship lasts. It matters what you do with that time, and that it matters how you remember and "use" the experience of time that was shared if the bond should break.

---

Duel in the desert

You "saw" me cut my fingers today
cos angry i was with you
darling ,oases are great liars
don't let them get you through

You think i handed to you my weapons
I don't have magi powers and swords
darling ,you thought you caught a free bird
a puzzle,an escaper, a poetry with no words

Deceived! You thought you won
a conquistador that never stops to reign
but darling ,all that you caught
was just mirage,sandglass & vain.

(it's strange ,you'd think i am talking to sb else,i am just talking to myself,very strange metaphor.i don't know who is being deceived,who is the free bird.
i don't know if it is a feminist poetry against males or just me in a constant war of truth and deceivement. maybe it is both.
i don't know what this is,i know only that there's a duel going on and that no part is right cos the duel is in the desert and the two parts are being deceived equally. ) Booh!

Re: A kiiiss is not a kiiiiss in Casablanca

Blu two weeks ago I sow Casablanca...FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE ... well it wasn’t so bad. I thought it would be worse

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha BluE_icE
Anybody remembers who sings it?
oh i miss that song. I so want to listen to it again.



today was

green
reflection
like a watercolor painting
noise
lights
the road like a map of printed shoes
a road of heartbeats
SILENCE
noise of cars
an old red truck ,dodge
poetic
the cool of the night
coolness in air
reflection of light
in the wet damp pavement
my shadow is vague..
i like the noise of my shoes
on the pavement
swirl...
swirl...
blackness
and
light
No moon tonight
not any less magic
not any less poetic
the eternal
(even in darkness)
sunshine...

---

I am thinking of a new tale the reborn TULIP... what do you say?

i say :go for it

Aljohin ,i have never seen the movie ,i just remember the song and it is a nice one.
(Lorie=BluE_icE)

a hug for my spiritual guides. miss you two a lot

Lorinka I am still waiting for a very detailed story

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha analistja
Lorinka I am still waiting for a very detailed story

---

I AM AMAZED

amazed by your greatness
amazed everytime i show a little bit of faith
towards you
because everytime i show some
you perform miracles in front of my eyes.
No ,it is not chance,neither absurdity
It is your Great heart working on people
It is you God.
Today it was your hand moving me
today a call to a friend that i hadn't talked
for a loong time was a mircale.
A truth revealed that made my heart joyfull
I am amazed
I am so amazed by the way you work
mysterious,silent,humble
with no trumphets,no boasting,
free to explore in dangerous steps
patient when people speak against you
loving ,caring for your creation
I am amazed.

How was i supposed to know?

Strong perfume of earth i have become.
No more ilusions that cannot be accomplished but dreams and hopes to be reached.Real.

How would i know ?

That i was to put strong will to seek miracles for becoming a miracle. All real and felt to the core.

How ,tell me, how was I to know?

Unless you didn't open my eyes of a long ,bumpy,heart feeling journey for grasping life with all its power,all its magic.
Yeah Real and Earthly...

Yeah ,hi.
It's me again.
Had this urge...you know...to scream in writing.
Like always, writing is a scream of relief.
I remember my fishface asking me what the point of writing in a forum was.
I said ,it what just to express myself , not that i was seeking any compliments or attention.
He laughed out loud -But THAT is always the reason people write.
-Is it ? -got a little surprised for most of the time i thought of my catharses and screams here in a more self-counseling way.
I insisted on my idea which he accepted adding that i needed more friends.
Sure, couldn't stand that remark when i had plenty .
But what was i going to write about ?
Oh yeah , THAT topic.
I don't know but i have had 3 kinds of tremors in my life : one from cold ,one from getting tired a lot from working and shaking and another one today when my emotions where all messed up sitting in front of him and looking at him.
We laughed ,we sang, we ate dinner the eight of us. I was feeling carefree talking to the other boys but him. Crap.
I was probably cold from my thin white shirt on a winter night. That was the reason, wasn't it ?
I tried to supress my tremors,wouldn't go away.Crappy...
But i HAd to supress my tremors.It was not me ,not normal ,it was too much to bare.
That's why they lasted just for a couple of fractions.I suffocated them.
I am glad.
I don't know why i am writing this here.
Scream ?
why for?

Re:

THANK YOU GOD
THANK YOU
THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU FOR LOVING ME,
FOR MAKING OF ME THE PERSON I AM, AND FOR BEING IN MY LIFE!


Guess what lulekuqe. I said a prayer last day we talked and I said to God: My dear God I have done everything according to your advices, tried to love unconditionally and forgive everything and keep a pure heart. Please help me, make that my efforts are rewarded and that I don't change the backbone you gave me LOVE, for I don't know anymore what to do. I tried to follow your signs as you talked to my heart.

anddddd guess what happened yesterday I woke up and everything wrong was gone, I felt overwhelmed with love and joy, oh I killed the wolf of fear and I freed my soul and let my self free.
Whenever I tried to put reason everything got complicated so much. and guess what, I feel so happy about this new beginning and is so unbelievable everything happening with me.

oh feelsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss greatttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Thankkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re

haahahahahah

crazyyyyyy!

what a three!------> analistja-> lorie-> darke->

hahahahahahaha i perfere this one

hahahaaha , now i saw this crazy thing, haha darke u funny .

i entered here to write a piece of my day but nope, it's all gone as soon as i saw those faces.haha kjute :p


ok , inspired by screams of the day i want to make another SCREAM.


MY SCREAAAAAAAAAAM
yesterday and today .

I never ,ever felt so pinkish,so rosy,so uuuuh and eeeeh ,so valentine moody ,so sweet and girlie ,iiiuu, like yesterday and today.
It was a rare exception that i would do only in a very very special case. I hope it won't happen again.There was too much love to bare.
I felt this gulp in my throat ,as if i was ready to throw up, this overfullness in me, this heavy heart of love.
Oh dear LORD ,i couldn't recognize myself .
I miss my spicy silence.

I WAAAAAAANT SPICEESSSSSS !

Minuscule,
my feeling was minuscule.
Silence...
Let's make a phone call that will
make your life better,
maybe.... funnier?
Ringtones....
Silence....
C'mon pick it up.
Nervousness
I had tremors in my chest
some time ago
Remember?
I supressed them.
Silence....
...I thought i lost my voice...
...I almost thougth i lost my heart....
C'mon i hate leaving messages
Pick Ip Up !
PICK IT UP crappy little device..
How come ?
What?
How come it always happens
that everytime i like a guy
i push him away.
Ringtones.....
Leave a message will you?
Low- key voice....
Could it be i am afraid
to lose my freedom?
Click...
I don't ,
i don't want to be caught.
no???
NO!!!
Hmm I see.
Silence....
C'mon say something like : freedom is so precious and all those words
that you call poetry.
WHAT??? Sarkasm ?
Ringtone,prolonged--------------------
I can't.
I am always afraid
he will invade my privacy ,
invade my spirit
invade my life
my thoughts
It has already begun ,the invasion of my thoughts
WHY?
Silence.....
I HATE this
Ringtone,
.....leave a message please
...................................
I want to be freeeeeee
Why would i fill my mind with him?
WHY ?
Why?
I don't want to be caught.
Please leave me alone ,at peace
I need silence.
i need me.
Biip Biiip
Redial...........
Redial ???
I won't write the same
monologue again.
Black....
Yeah,well your manly features can be
spellbounding
but
that don't impress me much
Shania Twain?
Say it out loud?
THAT don't impress me much...
Silence.......dead silence...
That was not convincing ,
do you have more voice?
RIIING.
Deep voice?
whatever...
Answer machine ?
So , yo uare so curious to know everything about him ?
U are caught aren't you?
crap these chemistries!
huh??
Swear to me you are not.
I am not .
SWEAR.
I AM NOT I SWEAR.
I will stand for my freedom,
THAt is so important,
that is my LIFE ,my air i breathe.
I will suffocate without it.
Silence.....
Ringtone.......
Hello!

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha lorie

I will stand for my freedom,
THAt is so important,
that is my LIFE ,my air i breathe.

---

I don't like your theory of EXORCISM esp those brbrbrbr and twsiting body scenes and brbrbrbrbr and green liquid from my mouth and brbrbrbrbrbr again. MAh .
I like to call it a TCSMS a "temporary confused state of mind and soul"

AND, don't define a feeling into something i don't yet know(love). The risk the confusion might get bigger exists.

Darke ,i am reading myself again.It seems the TCSMS sounds more like a psychological disorder.
Oh crap! Silv, could i be less of an analyzer and intellectual ?
Seems this is my shield...