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-- Funny (http://www.forumihorizont.com/showthread.php3?threadid=11940)

Funny

...

writer's block

What sea creature is always grumpy?

What subject did the whitch pass in school?
What is the saddest tree?
Why was the computer proud?
What is the most musical bone?
Why were the refrigerator foods afraid?

Does anybody know?

Re: What sea creature is always grumpy?

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha lorie
What is the saddest tree?

---

i can't believe you know

many albanian words but yet, a grumpy very well known word ,not in your vocab?

grumpy means cranky,irritating, moody.

You were right about the weeping willow.

I wanna see if anybody knows the other answers.

here's one answer

What subject did the whitch pass in school?
...........
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spelling :p

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha lorie
What subject did the whitch pass in school?
spelling :p

---

I said the WITCH

PASSED THE SUBJECT ,NOT I. hehe


Why was the computer proud?
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Because it made an important disc-covery. :p

Below is Dr . Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test

on Oprah she got a 38.)

Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out!

Read on, this is very interesting!Don't be overly sensitive!

The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes.

Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.

The person who sent it placed their score in the e-mail subject

box.Please do the same before forwarding to your friends (send it

back to the person who sent it to you.) Don't peek, but begin the test as

you scroll down and answer.



Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past.

Have pen or pencil and paper ready.

This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of

the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning

their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 Simple

questions, so grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers to

each question.Make sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total.

When you are finished, forward this to friends/family, and also send it to the

person who sent this to you. Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box.

Begin.

1 When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning

b) during the afternoon &and early evening

c) late at night

2. You usually walk...

a) fairly fast, with long steps

b) fairly fast, with little steps

c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) less fast, head down

e) very slowly

3. When talking to people you. . .

a) stand with your arms folded

b) have your hands clasped

c) have one or both your hands on your hips

d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with. .

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) your legs crossed

c) your legs stretched out or straight

d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

a) big appreciated laugh

b) a laugh, but not a loud one

c) a quiet chuckle

d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you .. .

a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...

a) welcome the break

b) feel extremely irritated

c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) black

c) yellow or light blue

d) green

e) dark blue or purple

f) white

g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going

to sleep you are. .

a) stretched out on your back

b) stretched out face down on your stomach

c) on your side, slightly curled

d) with your head on one arm

e) with your head under the covers

10.You often dream that you are...

a) falling

b) fighting or struggling

c) searching for something or somebody

d) flying or floating

e) you usually have dreamless sleep

f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:



1. (a) 2 ? ? (b) 4 ? ? (c) 6

2. (a) 6 ? ? (b) 4 ? ? (c) 7 ? ? (d) 2 ? ? (e) 1

3. (a) 4 ? ? (b) 2 ? ? (c) 5 ? ? (d) 7 ? ? (e) 6

4. (a) 4 ? ? (b) 6 ? ? (c) 2 ? ? (d) 1

5. (a) 6 ? ? (b) 4 ? ? (c) 3 ? ? (d) 5 ? ? (e) 2

6. (a) 6 ? ? (b) 4 ? ? (c) 2

7 (a) 6 ? ? (b) 2 ? ? (c) 4

8. (a) 6 ? ?(b) 7 ? ? (c) 5 ? ? (d) 4 ? ? (e) 3 ? ? ? (f) 2 ? ? (g) 1

9. (a) 7 ? ? (b) 6 ? ? (c) 4 ? ? (d) 2 ? ? (e) 1

10. (a) 4 ? ?(b) 2 ? ? ( c) 3 ? ? (d) 5 ? ? (e) 6 ? ? (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.



OVER 60 POINTS : Others see you as someone they should "handle

with care."You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely

dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't

always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.



51 TO 60 POINTS : Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather

impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions,

though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome,

someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an

adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you

radiate.



41 TO 50 POINTS : Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing,

practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center

of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their

head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone

who'll always cheer them up and help them out.



31 TO 40 POINTS : Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful &

practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a

person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely

loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return.

Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your

trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get

over if that trust is ever broken.



21 TO 30 POINTS: ?Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady

plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively

or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully

from every angle and then , usually decide against it. They think this reaction

is caused partly by your careful nature.



UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive,

someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to

make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or

anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist.

Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know

that you aren't.

Now forward this to others, and put your score in the subject box

of your

e-mail, like this: Dr. Phil's Test, I'm a ... ?



David 'Boots' Corbin

Me, got sharp 50 i hiii hiii, that makes me so happy as friday late day :p:p

Citim:

---

Po citoj
Below is Dr . Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah she got a 38.) 

---

I got the same score as Oprah !
31 TO 40 POINTS : Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return.
Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
[/I]
[size=1]YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.[font=Verdana]

Fuck

WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS

This one is priceless....A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!

An Alberta couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out

during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same

hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of

hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel

schedules. So, the husband left Calgary and flew to Florida on

Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband

checked into the hotel.



There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an

email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email

address, and without realizing his error, sent the email to a wrong person!!



Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned

home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called

home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her

email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the

first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into

the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen

which read:



To: My Loving Wife



Subject: I've Arrived



Date: January 17, 2008



I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers

here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've

just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has

been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing

you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.



P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!

this is from cupka

Margaret Frein
Office Administrator
National Convention Services
(212) 947-8255 - Tel
(212) 947-8006 - Fax

mfrein@ncsevents.com


Question To Tech Support

Dear Tech support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.


Answer >From Tech Support

DEAR DESPERATE,


First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.


Good Luck,


Tech Support

" Hahaha as shallow minded as Americans are they would rather have a half black MAN in office than a white WOMAN. He might be half black but he still has a penis."


hahaha, I still can't recover from this. Imagine getting a text message like this at 1 am. And it's original, heard nowhere, but written by my friend D.C.

English can be a funny language

Cocktail Lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest Zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD.

Doctor's Office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Dry Cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.

In a Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River Highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom handdryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo Hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE PROHIBITED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Hotel Notice: Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING, PLEASE NOT TO HAVE NOTICED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel Room Notice: Chaing-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel Brochure: Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel Lobby, Bucharest:
THIS LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel Elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel Yugoslavia:
THE FLATENNING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE;
LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER;
ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE;
BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hongkong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From a Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERSAND SCULPTORS. THESE WHERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IN RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICKLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BED ROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hongkong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVER CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY: "NO ICE CREAM".

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS

Re: this is from cupka

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha kotka
Margaret Frein
Office Administrator
National Convention Services
(212) 947-8255 - Tel
(212) 947-8006 - Fax

mfrein@ncsevents.com

---

Barsaleta me moral!

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'W ho was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A sm all rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.
He was pr omptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered t he bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

How to interpret man speak

Re: How to interpret man speak

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha amor alucius

---

Albi

O zot ky me kete anglishten te cmend me keq se kur flet shqip. Dhe me kete kameren kaq afer me ngjan si Befana e 6 janarit vetem fshesa i mungon

Alcohol consumption makes you smart...

Tomorrow, February 12th, is the 200th anniversary of Charles Darwin's birth.
This year also marks the 150th anniversary of the publication of The Origin
of Species.


"Well, you see Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast
as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it's the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills
brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
first.

"In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weakest brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm,
is why you always feel smarter after a few beers." - Cliff Clavin

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha Fajtori

---

A new excuse for Man not to get married- Jay Lenno's show

Charlize Theron declared in the View, a popular tv show that she will not get married until all her gay friends have the right to get married in US. She had been living with her boyfriend for 8 years.

Jay Lenno used this for his show and said, this can motivate men:
"If asked Honey when are we getting married: Darling we'll get married when Jack and James
(the neighbours) can."

Learn English

Love Making Tips For Seniors




1. Wear your glasses.
TO make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want...
The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . .
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs And make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure if these are facts or jokes?


:p :p :p

Me leje, eshte copydown...

My mexican works for less than your mexican

After an excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend, Jerry remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell p**** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times, used dental floss 8 times & on top of that gargled 1 litre of Listerine.


As he arrived at the dentist he sucked 2 strong mints. His turn came up & the dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed, Jerry opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough and said, "Man, did you have 69 before you came here"?



"Why"? Jerry asked, "Does my breath smell like p****"?

"No" The dentist replied, "Your forehead smells like shi*."

I spent $5000 on a boob job for the wife.

She was delighted.

I spent another $2000 on a nose job for her.

She was ecstatic.

I spent $2000 on liposuction for her

and she was over the moon.

I spent $30 on a blow job for myself

and she goes' fucking mental.

I ka vdek nana atij muhabeti - The mother's talk has died

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha SmoKer
I ka vdek nana atij muhabeti - The mother's talk has died

---

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha Eria



Smoker,degjo nga Portokallia Follow me...kam vdekur se qeshuri....

River you river you ....lumi ti,lumi ti

---

A little boy asked his mother:
- Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
- Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.

Pjese nga filmi Team America, parodi nga regjizori i South Park.

kjo me erdhi ne email


a Jewish Mother




Mrs. Fisher comes to visit her son Jacob for


dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Rachel.



During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't


help but notice how pretty Jacob's roommate was.


She had long been suspicious of a relationship


between the two, and this had only made her more curious.



Over the course of the evening, while watching the


two interact, she started to wonder if there was


more between Jacob and his roommate than met the eye.



Reading his mom's thoughts, Jacob volunteered,

'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,


Rachel and I are just roommates.'



About a week later, Rachel came to Jacob saying,


'Ever since your mother came to dinner,

I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.


You don't suppose she took it, do you?'



Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'

So he sat down and wrote an email:



‘Dear Mama,


I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house;

I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it.

But the fact remains that it has been missing

ever since you were here for dinner.


Love, Jacob’



Several days later, Jacob received a response email from his Mama which read:



‘Dear Son,


I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Rachel,

and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed,

she would have found the sugar bowl by now.


Love, Mama’

Hahahahaha! Sidomos nga 5:15 hahaha.

ahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa megjithmend funny

The Genie

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and

see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique

bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped

in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three

wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million

dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you

a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years,

my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.

What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I

wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband.... I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How

old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

' NO SHIT.' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

...

Daddy, please tell me why?


A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"Tell me," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Dearborn , Michigan and still wearing all this shit?"

Drinking with a Texas Lady!


A Mexican, an Arab, and a Texan Lady are in the same bar having a few drinks to pass the time.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his non alcoholic beer, (can’t drink the real deal because the Koran tells him not too), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The Texan Lady, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.

She catching her glass, sets it on the bar, and calls for a refill. She says, 'In Texas Gentleman, we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

God Bless Texas'

You gotta love those Texas Ladies!!!

Hmmm

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

One day at kindergarten the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me
who was the most famous man who ever lived."
A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "I'm sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and I'll give you the$10."
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since
you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said 'Jesus Christ.'"
Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart, I knew it was Moses -- but business is business


lol fuckin jews