Regjistruar: 17/11/2004
Vendbanimi: USA Arizona
Mesazhe: 1455

Do... **anything !!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!"
He returns her gaze."Anything???"
"Yes ... anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study???

__________________
The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna win anyway....

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 17/11/2004
Vendbanimi: USA Arizona
Mesazhe: 1455

Priceless

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-- Love you
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night."
Jack son answers "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door!"
Jack says, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a red rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed," 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!' "

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless

__________________
The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna win anyway....

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 17/11/2004
Vendbanimi: USA Arizona
Mesazhe: 1455

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. Why
are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember twenty years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

" Yes, I do,"she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Doyou
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making
love?

" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail
for twenty years?"

"I remember that, too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have been out today."

__________________
The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna win anyway....

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 23/08/2005
Vendbanimi: manchester.England
Mesazhe: 55

in england people say where is the
difference between an (Essex women)
and the washing machine

the washing machine does spill the load

po se kuptuat me thoni
ta shkruaj ne shqip

__________________
just thinking i might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 10/08/2005
Vendbanimi: Ne Realitetin e botes njerezore
Mesazhe: 427

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 10/08/2005
Vendbanimi: Ne Realitetin e botes njerezore
Mesazhe: 427

4 Sons

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 17/11/2004
Vendbanimi: USA Arizona
Mesazhe: 1455

it was extremely funny, do you have any other funny story like this one?

__________________
The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna win anyway....

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 10/08/2005
Vendbanimi: Ne Realitetin e botes njerezore
Mesazhe: 427

A DAY IN HELL

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

__________________
My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.(William Shakespear)

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 10/08/2005
Vendbanimi: Ne Realitetin e botes njerezore
Mesazhe: 427

A RELIGIOUS HUNTER

A man was out hunting. He just happened to be hunting bears. As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill. Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg. Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious (in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning), prayed, "God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life."

The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks... looked up to the heavens quizzically... and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake."

__________________
My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.(William Shakespear)

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 17/11/2004
Vendbanimi: USA Arizona
Mesazhe: 1455

nice job dude...

__________________
The game of life is hard to play, I'm gonna win anyway....

Denonco këtë mesazh tek moderatorët | IP: e regjistruar