Regjistruar: 31/08/2006
Vendbanimi: usa
Mesazhe: 1525

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you".

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?", the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.

"Which word?", her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

__________________
Bukë, kripë e zemër të mirë.

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Regjistruar: 08/10/2005
Vendbanimi: My soul
Mesazhe: 4073

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Vito.

He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

__________________
Fillimi i nje ngjarje, ku shpaloset ne kohe por lind jashte asaj, eshte njekohesisht perfundimi.

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Regjistruar: 07/01/2003
Vendbanimi: Durrës
Mesazhe: 2298

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

__________________
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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Regjistruar: 07/01/2003
Vendbanimi: Durrës
Mesazhe: 2298

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have
you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear!!!!!"

__________________
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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Regjistruar: 07/01/2003
Vendbanimi: Durrës
Mesazhe: 2298

Four men were bragging about how smart their
Cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some
Paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,
And a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
With a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles
Of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his
Cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of
Milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee
And said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
"CoffeeBreak,,,,do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,
Ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Drank the milk,,,,,,,,,
Shit on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Screwed the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,
Put in for Workers Compensation...............and
Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

__________________
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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Regjistruar: 07/01/2003
Vendbanimi: Durrës
Mesazhe: 2298

Subject: Divorce Letter

Dear Husband:

I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good! I've been a good woman for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me that you love me anymore. You don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry away from what you've been. I watch sports so much trying to drown out your constant nagging.

Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

__________________
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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Regjistruar: 08/10/2005
Vendbanimi: My soul
Mesazhe: 4073

You think men would learn| :-)

     Never Argue with a Woman...
   
    One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing
and decides to take a nap.

    Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out.

    She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

    Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
    He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.

    What are you doing?"
    "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)
    "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

    "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

    "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment.

    "I'll have to take you in and write you up."

    "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

    "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

    "That's true, but you have all the equipment.

    For all I know you could start at any moment."

    "Have  a nice day ma'am," and he left.

__________________
Fillimi i nje ngjarje, ku shpaloset ne kohe por lind jashte asaj, eshte njekohesisht perfundimi.

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Regjistruar: 12/02/2007
Vendbanimi: brenda vuajtes.
Mesazhe: 555

"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."

__________________
....i premtova vetes te mos hesht dhe heshtjes te mos flas.... s.o

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Regjistruar: 12/02/2007
Vendbanimi: brenda vuajtes.
Mesazhe: 555

God created the donkey & said to him: “You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years.
You will be a donkey. “The donkey answered: “I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog.” You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. “The dog answered: “Master, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him: “You will be a monkey.” You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey. “The monkey answered: “Master to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish.
Finally God created the man and said to him: “You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.” You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years. Man responded: "I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused. God granted his wish. And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

__________________
....i premtova vetes te mos hesht dhe heshtjes te mos flas.... s.o

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Regjistruar: 08/10/2005
Vendbanimi: My soul
Mesazhe: 4073

-How do you keep a husband from reading your e-mail?
-Rename the mail folder "INSTRUCTION MANUALS"

__________________
Fillimi i nje ngjarje, ku shpaloset ne kohe por lind jashte asaj, eshte njekohesisht perfundimi.

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