Regjistruar: 05/01/2004
Vendbanimi: USA
Mesazhe: 218

I had a few drinks........ why the hell not?!!! Last time I drank was New Year's (painfull hangover.)
Today I had my laptop at work, and my friends were looking at pictures from the summer vacation.

-That is your brother? (His picture that I have in my wallet is an old one.)
-He has changed a lot, he has grown up......

Yes, I know, stop telling me that! Stop reminding me about how my little brother has changed, and I wasn't there to see it happened. I wasn't there to see him grow up, pick on him, make fun of him about his first girlfriend..... God, it hurts so much...... I lost so much, I missed out on so much...

It is painfull, waking up every morning and asking myself: Is it really worth it????????!!!!!!!!

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Our country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right

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Regjistruar: 24/07/2003
Vendbanimi: in you
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I get encouraged every day.

Strange the cross road i was into and still can see the remnants. It was all this.
I can never read a posting that doesn't show some feelings of sadness ,guilt,pity,emptyness,blankness.
Can it be that only all those negative feelings can be muses for writing?
Sometimes i thought secretly that if i didn't change i would have at least this,papers and pens,buttons of computers to write.
Yes as much as i clinged to the crazy idea it happened the contrary.It also hapenned the thing that i feared and made me be in crossroads for a long time. Lack of negative feelings brings lack of writing.
I don't seek anymore that kind of mean to fullfill me even though i have writing at heart.
I am already fullfilled and happy. Writing was my survivor ,now writing is a beautiful luxury in proportion with my time.
The sandglass ...now has returned into a myth. People are not trapped into their glass.People would not be lonely if they opened their hearts and gave more and be less selfish.
Yes , i have started writing about happy things & events.

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Philippians 4:8-Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

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Regjistruar: 10/01/2003
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you have always been writing about beautiful things and events . the only difference is that when you or everyone is happy expresses it not in diary but in other ways, more direct, through laughs and crasy auras.

but I absolutely agree with what you say that if People would not be lonely if they opened their hearts and gave more and be less selfish.

in a way that is what has been a sort of source of happiness for me

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It takes just as much courage to express your love when it's right, as it does to walk away when it's wrong.

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Regjistruar: 05/01/2004
Vendbanimi: USA
Mesazhe: 218

Have a hangover........ well, that's what you get I guess for having one too many vodka and cranberry........

It isn't so bad, I've had worst....lol (lol to myself, with myself.) I actually wanted to drink last night, for the sake of drinking. Such a wonderfull feeling, while it lasted......... went home, and danced at 6 in the morning (my poor neighbors..... but they forgive me, cause I am normally quite.) Went on line, wrote a couple of messages at FH under the influence of alchool.... Actually, reading them today, I didn't do that bad....lol......should do that more often!!!

There has to be another way, besides drinking, to be able to reach that stage of euphoria. I remember them, it's just that right now it seems like a puzzle and I am having a hard time putting the pieces together. But, at the same time, where would the vodka industry be without trouble souls like me??????!!!!!!!! ........I cannot believe I am laughing about this, but that's because as troubled as my soul is, I know it has the strength more often than not, to fight temptations (i.e alchool) ........ more than a pity!!!

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Our country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right

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Regjistruar: 05/01/2004
Vendbanimi: USA
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I wrote to somebody today about how occasionally I get tired of being rational....... that is rationalizing every step I take, every move I make, every thought, maybe even every dream.... if that's even possible. But I think I have become a rational machine, calculating even my dreams.....

Well, I guess it is expected of us.......rightfully or not. I just never thought as a kid, that when I would grow up, this is what I would become. I don't recall anybody telling me that anyway, cause if they did, I would have laughed at their faces, a carefree, spirited laugh, a laugh that would even break their machines.....

So, my rational dream today is that I wish to stop being rational for a while, and join the Luddites of 21st century into breaking the cages of rationality.

__________________
Our country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right

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Regjistruar: 05/01/2004
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I was watchjng a movie today, where the main character (a woman) while fighting her battles, wondered often if God was a woman.

If God was a woman, what would the world be like? If Shakespeare had a sister, what would she write about?

Well, if God was a woman, would childbirth be painfull (that is our punishment I believe for Eve tempting Adam)? If God was a woman, would most of the victims of conflict and warfare be women and children? Would there be verbal, emotional, physical abuse against us?

Well, maybe God's gender has nothing to do with it........... Actually, my God is not man, is not woman, my God is simply perfect, because even if there is pain in this world, even if there is suffering, women carry their burden much more gracefully.......... a woman is beautiful in her joy, but she is magnificent in her pain........ However, sometimes I wish God was a woman, and Shakespeare had a sister!!!!!!!

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Our country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right

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Regjistruar: 24/08/2003
Vendbanimi: night
Mesazhe: 2545

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha NYCgirl
I was watchjng a movie today, where the main character (a woman) while fighting her battles, wondered often if God was a woman.

If God was a woman, what would the world be like? If Shakespeare had a sister, what would she write about?

Well, if God was a woman, would childbirth be painfull (that is our punishment I believe for Eve tempting Adam)? If God was a woman, would most of the victims of conflict and warfare be women and children? Would there be verbal, emotional, physical abuse against us?

Well, maybe God's gender has nothing to do with it........... Actually, my God is not man, is not woman, my God is simply perfect, because even if there is pain in this world, even if there is suffering, women carry their burden much more gracefully.......... a woman is beautiful in her joy, but she is magnificent in her pain........ However, sometimes I wish God was a woman, and Shakespeare had a sister!!!!!!!

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__________________
No, no dejéis cerradas las puertas de la noche, del viento, del relámpago, la de lo nunca visto.

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Regjistruar: 05/01/2004
Vendbanimi: USA
Mesazhe: 218

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha darke

I was reading your diary... interesting your thoughts. Mine arrive in other level. If God were a snail... :kermill: ...life would be slower... If God were a snail, there were no hurries. I hate them. I love the calm of the afternoons. I love the rays of sunlights entering through the venetian blind of my room. I love seeing the dust flying, floating in the darkness of my room through the sunlight rays. If God were a snail, there were people having sunbathings and walking slowly with shyness leaving bright remains in the road...
But, my life is slow, I'm not in a hurry. I have sunlight rays through my window. I walk slowly with shyness in the streets. I follow a bright road... Maybe God has a snail nature. Time now for a siesta.

Good afternoon...:kermill::kermill:....

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Our country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right

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Regjistruar: 08/07/2003
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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha NYCgirl
If God was a woman, would most of the victims of conflict and warfare be women and children?

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Ha ha ha you made me laugh...it is beautiful...it is beautiful to notice how the mind of women works. Even when they make a definition or a general rule they want to feel it, they want to feel themselves in it and they want to arrive there by feeling. While a man even when he feels he want to define it to make a general rule, to define himself and to arrive there by means of concepts and definitions (at least the Albanian woman and man)...
NYCgirl...I must tell you something...just an example of warfare.
In 1941 the Germans begun the war with the Soviet Union they surrounded Leningrad and bombarded it for 3 years. The victims from the bombardments and from the famine were (children, women, men) 1 million...in three years (the official victims were 600000 but most think that the regime was lying). Leningrad after the war was made a hero city because it had the greatest number of civil victims and heroic resistance.
While when the war begun the Germans made 3 millions of prisoners in only…2 weeks and almost no one of them survived…and they were ONLY men…the battle of Stalingrad took 750000 soviets ONLY men the most cruel battle in the history…

Believe me when I say that in 22 million of soviet victims in the WWII almost 20 million were ONLY men. And it is not only a soviet characteristic…but the soviets had the greatest number of civil victims and they can not be even compared with the number of soldiers lost in the conflict.



NYCgirl let the men take care of things of men and than maybe the men will let the women take care of things of women (actually the men in general do not have the irresistible desire to take care of things of women )

__________________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." James Madison

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Regjistruar: 24/08/2003
Vendbanimi: night
Mesazhe: 2545

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha Aljohin
NYCgirl let the men take care of things of men and than maybe the men will let the women take care of things of women (actually the men in general do not have the irresistible desire to take care of things of women )

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war is a thing of men? which things are of women????????????!!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!

Be careful with your answer








PS: ....by the way

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No, no dejéis cerradas las puertas de la noche, del viento, del relámpago, la de lo nunca visto.

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