lorie
you fascinate me...
Regjistruar: 24/07/2003
Vendbanimi: in you
Mesazhe: 3137
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My well is full of water...
I long to write.
It starts with her...
-Are you pulling my leg?-i asked her half serious when she told me that mentioning the name of a 'potential' guy more than 5 times was a rare case for me and therefore it meant i liked him.
-Why would i need your leg? -she said and i cracked laughing in an instant. - I have mine.
She kept telling me other things which made me laugh harder till i got tears in my eyes. ohh God !
I stopped laughing when she started joking about my world,about the words of songs that i knew by heart, about my writings,about my so strong desire to particitpate in an exhibition of paintings and photography. And even though i knew she did it because of her expressive ,sincere nature i had this slight sadness. And then the typical question that always came up :Can't she understand that i am different?
Yes, i had sensed not only from her but from other poeple too that what i considered imporant they found it 'AMUSING'(it's not quite the word but it'll do for now)
-So Lorie ,what do you want for Christmass? Books?- i remember S saying to me.I don't wish to write other comments but i hated it ,the question and the tone.
But what was wrong with books anyways?
--0-
That day i felt lonely ,yeah just by some words disliked, accumulated ,processed in the brain and finally thrown into a poor scene of self-doubt.
I prayed.My whole existence had one challenge -THAT of fighting the melancholy.
I had reached so far, i had put an order to my long previous chaos,i had chosen to live right with God and now it was left one task: THAT of not getting upset over every trivial ,unecessary joke.Yeah ,too serious my type.
That day i prayed with all my strength in God.
Later on in the sermon at church i had to my prayer an answer.
L had read a lot and prepared a teaching relating King David and Jonathan from The Old Testament(two best friends that loved each-other with brotherly love)
All of it was about LOVE=Brotherly love.
It gaunged on me,i kept notes. Whoever wanted to could keep notes.
-C'mon L ,tell us what you got. -i heard some from the back screaming and i laughed.
He started reading a scripture from 1Samuel that talked about David and Jonathan and then commented on it.
We are created to LOVE. We need love to feel well physically. ect...
1st point- he said is :Love gives !
You cannot love if you are not willing to give. And you cannot love if you are not willing to receive it. We need to be thinking about others ,about giving to others so that we can be loved and receive love.
Hmm that much i know-i thought.
2nd point Love Commits !
He read another scripture about David and Jonathan making oaths to each-other,oaths of love and friendship.
he said:
It should be a commitment for LOVE like:You'll be my best friend and NOTHING will seperate us.
Then he made a question to the audeince :
Who is your friend here? Do you have any friend that you can say ANYTHING ,ANY stupid idea ,any thought that comes to your mind and having a complete trust on him? For every Jonathan needs to be a David.ect..
I arched my eyebrows.
He passed on to Love vs Trust then to : Love expresses itself.
If you don't express your love ,IT IS NOT LOVE. IF you can't get it out it is not loving.
and then he recalled a moment when his wife had asked him:
-Why don't you say'I love you ' anymore?
-I already told you when we got married .The day i change my mind i will let you know.
We all laughed, including him and his wife . Yeah, he is a very funny person.
He went on saying that that was not the case ,that was not how love should be expressed.
Pride and fear keep us from loving,from expressing and taking it in
Aucchhh ,that stung.It felt like he was talking just for me,and maybe he was since i had been praying to God to change me and open my heart more.
I was the one who had promised to say more' I love you 'to my parents and i was the one who never kept THIS particular promise.
They could scream from the other line :we looooove you lorie- and i could just say something quick like:sure sure, me too.
I could write it down but so hard to express it with all your being, all your strength. I had too much truth and not so much grace=love.
Yeah , i had/have a deep sorrowful pride in me that was/is not letting me love people.
5th point -he said was- Love is humble
Jonathan was supposed to be King after his father Saul died, but David deserved to be King even though David was leaving the kingdom beacuse Saul wanted to kill him. So Jonathan goes in the desert and calls him : Don't be afraid .My father Saul will not lay a hand on you.You will be king over Israel and i will be second to you.Even my father Saul knows this.
He said that to love is to be humble. I am not going to be first, i am going to help YOU be first. Are you willing to be a Jonathan? He had the right to be King but he appointed his best friend to be King.
Are you humble? Are you willing to see sb and help sb be above you ?
We need to be humble enough to express the depth of our hearts.
I am not- i thought.
I am being now in writing this but i still need work.
and then he said something that made my heart grew all the more alert to this situation :Only a person who risks is free
Now i am reminded of Rumi's poetry.
The way of love is not
a subtle argument.
The door there
is devastation.
Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom.
How do they learn it?
They fall, and falling,
they're given wings.
You cannot certainly become with wings if you don't take the risk to fly.
He said that when Jonathan died David took care of his kids.He asked something that made me ponder the more : What's the impact of your love? Does it go beyond the grave as David's love for Jonathan? Is it everlasting?
Yeah , i remained stupefied as how much i had to learn about love.
1st commendament of love is : Love your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.
-meaning
heart=passion
soul=spiritually
mind=put logic and truth in what you are believing and loving.
__________________
Philippians 4:8-Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Modifikuar nga lorie datë 01/02/2005 ora 00:09
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30 Janar 2005 00:32
Forumi Horizont > Tema Shoqërore > Gjuhët e Huaja > Gjuha Angleze > *Literary rainbow* > Fragments of my day
