Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

Training program


In order to assure the highest quality of work and productivity from employees, it would be our policy to keep all employees well trained, through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list. And our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T that you can handle. Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Program (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T). Since you supervisor took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore, because they are full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you might be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T will get S.H.I.T jobs, and apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.S.H.I.T). If you have any questions, please direct them to our Head of Training Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T)


Thank you

Boss In General Special High Intensity Training

(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

job application

A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.

'Yes.'



17 days

Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"

Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

Astro Girl

Nasa is looking for a new way to boost it's ratings. So they decide to send an ordinary woman into space. They place an add and are soon faced with three interviews. The first is a lovely looking woman with neat brown hair. They have only one question to ask which is: "If you could go to any planet, where would you go?"

After a moment of thought the woman replies;"I would go to Mars."

"And why would you like to go there?"

"I find it very interesting and would like to see if there really is life there."

The Nasa men are most impressed with this and promise to call her back and let her know their results.

The next woman is a redhead with a very nice suit on. They ask her the same question to which she replies; "I would like to go to Saturn, so that I could see for myself what the rings look like."

The Nasa guys are happy with this answer and promise to call her back.

The next is a blonde woman wearing a very short skirt and VERY revealing top. They ask her the same question and she gives it a lot of thought and replies; "I would like to go to the sun."

"But don't you know you would burn to death if you went to the sun?"

"Oh don't be silly, I'd go at night."

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

Ice Fishing

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.

"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

The Blonde Mother

Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.

The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."

The Redhead says "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks."

The Blond says "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

Nuts

An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn't be any trouble.

The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch. When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled, "Up, nuts!" and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled, "Down, nuts!" and the inmates sat.

The game proceeded and the inmates were well-behaved. When the home team made a good play, the director yelled, "Clap, nuts!" and the patients applauded just like normal fans.

Things were going so well that the director left his seat to go get a hot dog and a beer. But when he came back, there was a riot going on.

The director finally located his assistant and demanded, "What happened?"

"Everything was fine," the assistant said, "until some guy came over and yelled, 'Pea-nuts'!

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 03/04/2003
Vendbanimi: broken glass
Mesazhe: 162

Fathers

Three new fathers-to-be were nervously pacing the waiting room floor when the nurse came in and said to one, “congratulations, you’re the father of twins.” “Terrific,” said the new father, “what a coincidence, I’m a player for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”

A little later the nurse came in again and announced to the second father, “Congratulations, you’re the father of triplets.” “What a coincidence,” shouted the new father, “I work for the 3-M Company.”

At this moment of jubilation, the third father-to-be promptly fainted. When the nurse finally revived the poor fellow, she asked. “What’s the matter?” The soon to be father’s reply was, “Quick get me out of here, I work for 7- up.

__________________
Truth hurts

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 24/08/2003
Vendbanimi: night
Mesazhe: 2545

Oh girl, those were good

listen this one:

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."

__________________
No, no dejéis cerradas las puertas de la noche, del viento, del relįmpago, la de lo nunca visto.

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar

Regjistruar: 11/06/2002
Vendbanimi: Europe
Mesazhe: 10706

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people–whether they are employed or not.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk to you.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying a gun before now.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

News bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar