Regjistruar: 28/12/2005
Vendbanimi: bugjejovice
Mesazhe: 339

POTENTIALLY AND REALISTICALLY

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.



Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a
million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."




So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for
a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to
fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a
heartbeat, are you nuts?"




The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied.
"Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"



The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between

potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million
dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo.

__________________
Liria ime ndalet atje ku fillon e jotja.

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Regjistruar: 08/10/2005
Vendbanimi: My soul
Mesazhe: 4073

E bukur!!!!

__________________
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Regjistruar: 28/12/2005
Vendbanimi: bugjejovice
Mesazhe: 339

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of
dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give
you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to
spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?"
the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20
years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead
of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless
man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for
doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay It's important for her to see what a man =
looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

__________________
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Regjistruar: 28/12/2005
Vendbanimi: bugjejovice
Mesazhe: 339

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. Why
are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember twenty years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

" Yes, I do,"she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making
love?

" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail
for twenty years?"

"I remember that, too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have been out today."

__________________
Liria ime ndalet atje ku fillon e jotja.

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Regjistruar: 28/12/2005
Vendbanimi: bugjejovice
Mesazhe: 339

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

__________________
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Regjistruar: 11/02/2005
Vendbanimi: Kabul- a great city , in which to live ,play and w
Mesazhe: 2511

In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight.

One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a scottish accent came from within the dense fog.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 10 englishmen".

With this, the english general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 50 englishman".

With this the english general sent down 50 of his soldiers. The same thing, a terrible fight ensured and again NO ONE returned. An hour later the same voice.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 100 englishman".

Same same, down went 100 of the best. NO ONE returned. An hour later.

"Any one scotsman can beat any 1,000 englishman".

By this time, the english general had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone englishman crawling up the hill. He was battered to a pulp. As he reached his general he said, "Don't send any more troops down, its a trap, THERES TWO OF THE BASTARDS".

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Regjistruar: 11/02/2005
Vendbanimi: Kabul- a great city , in which to live ,play and w
Mesazhe: 2511

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been goin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in surprisingly good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officers says "Gee Son.... Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?

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Regjistruar: 31/08/2006
Vendbanimi: usa
Mesazhe: 1525

HEAVEN IS WHERE THE POLICE ARE BRITISH, THE COOKS FRENCH,THE MECHANICS GERMAN, THE LOVERS GREEK AND IT IS ALL ORGANIZED BY THE SWISS.

HELL IS WHERE THE COOKS ARE BRITISH, THE MECHANICS FRENCH,THE LOVERS SWISS, THE POLICE GERMAN AND IT IS ALL ORGANIZED BY THE GREEKS...

__________________
Bukė, kripė e zemėr tė mirė.

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Regjistruar: 29/12/2007
Vendbanimi: ......
Mesazhe: 5021

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new Models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$90,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000'

MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 80 thousand if it's really a pretty good deal.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'



The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

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Regjistruar: 29/12/2007
Vendbanimi: ......
Mesazhe: 5021

i dont think anyone can beat the first one from peshteimi
but..



The Moral of This Story is.......BRILLIANT!!!!



This is a story about
A Fly, a Fish, a Bear
A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.


There is a moral to this story.....

In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,


'Gosh...if I go down three inches
I will feel the mist
From the water and I will be refreshed.'

There was a fish in the water thinking,


'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'



There was a bear on the shore thinking,


'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches
That fish will jump for the fly...
And I will grab the fish!!'
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank
Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.....

'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish leaps for it...
That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'
Now, you probably think this is
Enough activity on one river bank,

But I can tell you there's more....



A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,

'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish jumps for that fly..
And that bear grabs for that fish...
The dumb hunter will shoot the bear
And drop his cheese sandwich.'
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,
(as was fashionable to do on the banks of
This particular river around lunch time)

'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..
And that fish jumps for that fly
And that bear grabs for that fish
And that hunter shoots that bear..
And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich .
Then I can have mouse for lunch.'
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he
Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...

The bear grabs the fish..

The hunter shoots the bear..

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

The cat jumps for the mouse..
The mouse ducks...

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

NOW, The Moral Of The Story...
Whenever a fly goes down three inches,


Some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.






Didn't see that one coming, did you?

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