kurt
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Regjistruar: 29/12/2007
Vendbanimi: ......
Mesazhe: 5021
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tired...
sot kalova gjithe diten duke lozur golf me 15 veta te tjere nga puna, benim edhe baste te mdryshme. i bera suprize vetes dhe te tjereve nga rrezultatet e sotem te mira. mbas golfit u mbledhem te gjithe tek shpia e disa shokeve te shikonim lakers game, playoffs. luajtem exbox, play station, and wii, video games. later i got hit by an anxiety attack that was bigger then me...
i smoked a cigarette, and i told everyone that was feeling tired, so i left...
i feel too tired to pretend anymore, too tired too smile when i dont feel like, too tired to be near anyone, too tired of everything, too tired of me, too tired of being tired, exhaustion is what i know best, mentally and physically. i dream of a long nap, a long long nap. too tired to enjoy, i dont like the sound of my thoughts, i no longer day dream, something i use to be really good at. being outside in the sun people feel good, i dont. i'm addicted to my dark apartment, i come alive during the late ours of the night, i don't answer my phone, i don't show up at the pubs with my friends anymore. i have lost track of days and time. has being a long time in this state of mind. i laugh in irony. i look at people feeling good and i don't get it, i wonder!!!! as you get older you start being really honest with yourself, you never pretend, you never represent, and you see so much more in people, you no longer care.
you hate the modesty in people, if the truth of anything and pathetic sincerity will sink you further into a deep black hole, you still go for it. it gets intriguing, your mind becomes a senseless universe, and you see yourself floating weightless, fading in a rapid speed, you gamble with your very pathetic existence. there's no rest for you my friend, and you start making peace with the fact that might never be, never...
you rather masturbate then having anyone over, only the fact that you have to pretend to be there after sex, and you know that you're too lazy to pretend, and dont want to be mean and have them leave shortly after. you looking for don't know what, you;re lost, you're fucking lost...
suddenly you relax, you can stare the loneliness in the eye with a smile, you know better then anyone the meaning of emptiness, it defines you, its you, it gives you goose bumps, it scares you, but you convince yourself to accept any fate, you can adapt. oh! human mind!!!! how it goes to the edge of a big cliff and suddenly comes back!! or maybe has never return?!!! maybe you are still napping, napping your fucking life way. there's no difference between a dream and real life. while you're wasting your life way at least dream, dream for yourself, dream for a better day, just dream o sad existence just dream, and tell yourself that you're more then what you are, cause who you are is les then nothing, and the fact that you have made peace with that!?!?!!!!...
Denonco kėtė mesazh tek moderatorėt | IP: e regjistruar
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