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- *Literary rainbow* (http://www.forumihorizont.com/forumdisplay.php3?forumid=324)
-- Fragments of my day (http://www.forumihorizont.com/showthread.php3?threadid=6120)

I had a few drinks........ why the hell not?!!! Last time I drank was New Year's (painfull hangover.)
Today I had my laptop at work, and my friends were looking at pictures from the summer vacation.

-That is your brother? (His picture that I have in my wallet is an old one.)
-He has changed a lot, he has grown up......

Yes, I know, stop telling me that! Stop reminding me about how my little brother has changed, and I wasn't there to see it happened. I wasn't there to see him grow up, pick on him, make fun of him about his first girlfriend..... God, it hurts so much...... I lost so much, I missed out on so much...

It is painfull, waking up every morning and asking myself: Is it really worth it????????!!!!!!!!

I get encouraged every day.

Strange the cross road i was into and still can see the remnants. It was all this.
I can never read a posting that doesn't show some feelings of sadness ,guilt,pity,emptyness,blankness.
Can it be that only all those negative feelings can be muses for writing?
Sometimes i thought secretly that if i didn't change i would have at least this,papers and pens,buttons of computers to write.
Yes as much as i clinged to the crazy idea it happened the contrary.It also hapenned the thing that i feared and made me be in crossroads for a long time. Lack of negative feelings brings lack of writing.
I don't seek anymore that kind of mean to fullfill me even though i have writing at heart.
I am already fullfilled and happy. Writing was my survivor ,now writing is a beautiful luxury in proportion with my time.
The sandglass ...now has returned into a myth. People are not trapped into their glass.People would not be lonely if they opened their hearts and gave more and be less selfish.
Yes , i have started writing about happy things & events.

you have always been writing about beautiful things and events . the only difference is that when you or everyone is happy expresses it not in diary but in other ways, more direct, through laughs and crasy auras.

but I absolutely agree with what you say that if People would not be lonely if they opened their hearts and gave more and be less selfish.

in a way that is what has been a sort of source of happiness for me

Have a hangover........ well, that's what you get I guess for having one too many vodka and cranberry........

It isn't so bad, I've had worst....lol (lol to myself, with myself.) I actually wanted to drink last night, for the sake of drinking. Such a wonderfull feeling, while it lasted......... went home, and danced at 6 in the morning (my poor neighbors..... but they forgive me, cause I am normally quite.) Went on line, wrote a couple of messages at FH under the influence of alchool.... Actually, reading them today, I didn't do that bad....lol......should do that more often!!!

There has to be another way, besides drinking, to be able to reach that stage of euphoria. I remember them, it's just that right now it seems like a puzzle and I am having a hard time putting the pieces together. But, at the same time, where would the vodka industry be without trouble souls like me??????!!!!!!!! ........I cannot believe I am laughing about this, but that's because as troubled as my soul is, I know it has the strength more often than not, to fight temptations (i.e alchool) ........ more than a pity!!!

I wrote to somebody today about how occasionally I get tired of being rational....... that is rationalizing every step I take, every move I make, every thought, maybe even every dream.... if that's even possible. But I think I have become a rational machine, calculating even my dreams.....

Well, I guess it is expected of us.......rightfully or not. I just never thought as a kid, that when I would grow up, this is what I would become. I don't recall anybody telling me that anyway, cause if they did, I would have laughed at their faces, a carefree, spirited laugh, a laugh that would even break their machines.....

So, my rational dream today is that I wish to stop being rational for a while, and join the Luddites of 21st century into breaking the cages of rationality.

I was watchjng a movie today, where the main character (a woman) while fighting her battles, wondered often if God was a woman.

If God was a woman, what would the world be like? If Shakespeare had a sister, what would she write about?

Well, if God was a woman, would childbirth be painfull (that is our punishment I believe for Eve tempting Adam)? If God was a woman, would most of the victims of conflict and warfare be women and children? Would there be verbal, emotional, physical abuse against us?

Well, maybe God's gender has nothing to do with it........... Actually, my God is not man, is not woman, my God is simply perfect, because even if there is pain in this world, even if there is suffering, women carry their burden much more gracefully.......... a woman is beautiful in her joy, but she is magnificent in her pain........ However, sometimes I wish God was a woman, and Shakespeare had a sister!!!!!!!

Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha NYCgirl
I was watchjng a movie today, where the main character (a woman) while fighting her battles, wondered often if God was a woman.

If God was a woman, what would the world be like? If Shakespeare had a sister, what would she write about?

Well, if God was a woman, would childbirth be painfull (that is our punishment I believe for Eve tempting Adam)? If God was a woman, would most of the victims of conflict and warfare be women and children? Would there be verbal, emotional, physical abuse against us?

Well, maybe God's gender has nothing to do with it........... Actually, my God is not man, is not woman, my God is simply perfect, because even if there is pain in this world, even if there is suffering, women carry their burden much more gracefully.......... a woman is beautiful in her joy, but she is magnificent in her pain........ However, sometimes I wish God was a woman, and Shakespeare had a sister!!!!!!!

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha darke

I was reading your diary... interesting your thoughts. Mine arrive in other level. If God were a snail... :kermill: ...life would be slower... If God were a snail, there were no hurries. I hate them. I love the calm of the afternoons. I love the rays of sunlights entering through the venetian blind of my room. I love seeing the dust flying, floating in the darkness of my room through the sunlight rays. If God were a snail, there were people having sunbathings and walking slowly with shyness leaving bright remains in the road...
But, my life is slow, I'm not in a hurry. I have sunlight rays through my window. I walk slowly with shyness in the streets. I follow a bright road... Maybe God has a snail nature. Time now for a siesta.

Good afternoon...:kermill::kermill:....

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha NYCgirl
If God was a woman, would most of the victims of conflict and warfare be women and children?

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Citim:

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Po citoj ato që tha Aljohin
NYCgirl let the men take care of things of men and than maybe the men will let the women take care of things of women (actually the men in general do not have the irresistible desire to take care of things of women )

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