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- *Literary rainbow* (http://www.forumihorizont.com/forumdisplay.php3?forumid=324)
-- Fragments of my day (http://www.forumihorizont.com/showthread.php3?threadid=6120)

Today

Today ....... I was tearless, but a smiled, I even laughed.... outloud, thought outloud... but still tearless . I raged ragessely, to find the tears, to find pain. But it wasn't there, and I need so much to feel it!!! I wanted to fell passioned pain...

cute,cute,cute. :p
It's snowing outside while my frenzied typing had one purpose:to finish the paper for today's class.
The brown-eyed guy with a red sweater sitting next to me suddenly asked : What date si it today?
-The 8th.
-The campus is closed.
-You got to be kiding me!- i approached and saw the notice on his screen.-and to think that i am here only for this 6 a'clock class deciding to not meet my friends in Sutent Activites Hall room.
-Oops that sucks- he said and then added sth like: i am calling off for my work today.
I grinned and then looked outside.Yup,big time snow.Just yesterday i thought i had sensed a spring breeze,but nope,i got to wait.
meanwhile some relaxation?
cute,cute,cute.

This cough hurts deep inside my lungs. It takes so much energy just to breathe. I’m up for a day of sweet sex, cuddling and cat naps in between. Some hot tea will be soothing. The simple pleasures of life, you don’t have to be rich, you just have to know how to ask for what you need and persist till you get it. I won’t let myself get distracted by my own thoughts. There’s nothing good in there anyways, just bad premonitions that feed my frantic worry. I’m finally letting myself sit still, some sobriety for the drama queen in me, some rest for my brain that hurts with torment. OK, I have a tendency to overreact, happy now?! Yeah, looking back at it, it was all absolutely UNECCESSARY! I’m my worse enemy. I am the cause of all my misery; it’s all in my twisted ways of thinking. I’ve decided, from now on I refuse to be miserable. Happiness is in the way you look at things. Reality never actually changes much it’s our perception of it that changes the way we feel about it. The sky is beautiful and the sun is always shining in my heart. No matter what life brings I know I can think my way through it all.

slow...When tomorrow comes?

slow,sssssllllloooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww,sssssssllllll
lll,llllllllooooo,oooooowwwwww,wwwwwwww

How long did it take to you to say this word?
To Me?
Less than an eternity-and that's a lot.
So slow this world tonight!
When tomorrow comes...i will be free again..from this slowness.

Trapped in slow motion!!!!

-We are so different.
-Then how do we connect?
-I have no idea.
We both laugh. The sky is pink and purple from the sunset, her first official sunset. We look at the park and buildings surrounding it beaming with million colorful lights and say nothing.
-It’s beautiful here, - she finally speaks.
I look in her eyes. They are gold and sparkly, excited by the colors of the night.
-You are beautiful.
She leans over and we kiss. First time after all this time. Nothing has changed. The feeling overwhelms us.
-We need to set some rules though.
-OK
-I need my space.
-Sure, me too.
-Use protection. And no getting jealous, hear me?
She laughs.
-You such a hore.
We crack up laughing.
-Deal?
-Yeah, I was just joking.
I’m thinking of more rules but friendship like ours shouldn’t have any.
-No more lies.
She looks down. Her eyes fill up and I know, she doesn’t need to say anything.
-Let’s play it by ear.
She brushes the mood off like an annoying bug.
-That sounds like something I would say. You thief!
She tackles me and we roll on the grass laughing hysterically.
-Any more rules rushi?
-I think we’re good for now, chula.
And I’m thinking that relationships shouldn’t be so complicated if we could only let ourselves feel what we feel and have no fear. I’m setting a rule for myself. NO FEAR.

Citim:

---

Po citoj ato që tha rrushi
And I’m thinking that relationships shouldn’t be so complicated if we could only let ourselves feel what we feel and have no fear. I’m setting a rule for myself. NO FEAR. [/B]

---

Analiste, your brother is a wise person. When am I going to meet him?
You would have been really proud of me today. I took a risk, I let myself feel, God it hurts at times but that's how we now we're still alive I guess. I embrassed open-mindedness, breaking out of the ordinary, going with the flow, crossing the boundaries, letting go...Its very liberating.

Here's another rule for me BREAK FREE.

P.S Kisses Analiste, keep writing, you inspire me

I am proud of you
Free your mind and Free your soul that's how you will reach a point of freedom independent from all. remove the cages don't think just feel and taste who cares about tomorrow? who knows what tomorrow brings?
We can't change past, we don't know the future the moment, the present is our only treasure enjoy it and make of every moment of your present a nice memory.

the other rule I follow?

live everymoment if tomorrow never comes. I have an inspiration letter for you. the last letter of GAbriel Garcia MArquez. read it is in Italian. you can find the English version I suppose too in internet.


letra e fundit e Markezit derguar miqve



Se solo per un istante Dio si dimenticasse che sono una marionetta di pezza e mi regalasse un pezzo di vita, probabilmente non direi tutto ciò che penso, ma in definitiva penserei tutto ciò che dico.
Darei valore alle cose, non per ciò che valgono, ma per ciò che significano.
Dormirei poco, sognerei di più, capirei che per ogni minuto che chiudiamo gli occhi, perdiamo sessanta secondi di luce. Andrei quando gli altri si fermano, mi sveglierei mentre gli altri dormono. Ascolterei mentre gli altri parlano, e come mi godrei un buon gelato al cioccolato! Se Dio mi facesse dono di un pezzo di vita, vestirei semplicemente, mi butterei disteso al sole, lasciando scoperto non solo il mio corpo, ma anche la mia anima. Dio mio se io avessi un cuore, scriverei il mio odio sul ghiaccio, e aspetterei che il sole uscisse. Dipingerei con un sogno di Van Gogh sulle stelle una poesia di Benedetti, e una canzone di Serrat sarebbe la serenata che offrirei alla luna. Annaffierei con le mie lacrime una rosa, per sentire il dolore delle sue spine, e con le labbra la carnosa sensazione dei suoi petali... Dio mio, se io avessi un pezzo di vita... Non lascerei passare un solo giorno senza dire alla gente a cui voglio bene, che le voglio bene. Convincerei ogni uomo ed ogni donna che essi sono i miei preferiti, e vivrei innamorato dell'amore. Agli uomini dimostrerei quanto si sbagliano al pensare che smettono d'innamorarsi quando invecchiano, senza sapere che invecchiano quando smettono d'innamorarsi! A un bambino darei le ali, ma lascerei che da solo imparasse a volare.
Ai vecchi insegnerei che la morte non arriva con la vecchiaia, ma con l'oblio.
Tante cose ho imparato da voi uomini... Ho imparato che tutti quanti vogliono vivere sulla cima della montagna, senza sapere che la vera felicitÃ_ risiede nella forma di risalire la scarpata.
Ho imparato che quando un appena nato stringe con il suo piccolo pugno, per prima volta, il dito del padre, lo racchiude per sempre. Ho imparato che un uomo ha diritto a guardarne un altro dall'alto solo per aiutarlo ad alzarsi. Sono tante le cose che ho potuto apprendere da voi, ma in veritÃ_ a molto non avrebbero a servire, perché quando mi metterete dentro quella borsa, infelicemente starò morendo. Di' sempre ciò che senti e fai ciò che pensi. Se sapessi che oggi sarÃ_ l'ultimo giorno in cui ti vedrò dormire, ti abbraccerei forte e pregherei il Signore affinché possa essere il guardiano della tua anima. Se sapessi che questa è l'ultima volta che ti vedo uscire dalla porta, ti abbraccerei, ti bacerei, e ti richiamerei per dartene ancora. Se sapessi che questa è l'ultima volta che ascolterò la tua voce, registrerei ogni tua parola per poter riascoltarla una ed un'altra volta all'infinito.
Se sapessi che questi sono gli ultimi minuti in cui ti vedo ti direi "ti amo" senza assumere,scioccamente, che lo sai di giÃ_. Sempre c'è un domani e la vita ci da un'altra opportunitÃ_ per fare bene le cose, ma se sbaglio e oggi è tutto ciò che mi resta, mi piacerebbe dirti che ti voglio bene, e che mai ti dimenticherò .
Il domani non è assicurato a nessuno, giovane o vecchio. Oggi può essere l'ultimo giorno che vedi coloro che ami. Perciò non aspettare più, fallo oggi, perché se il domani non dovesse mai arrivare, sicuramente lamenterai il giorno che non hai preso tempo per un sorriso, un abbraccio, un bacio, e che sarai stato troppo occupato per concedere un ultimo desiderio. Mantieni coloro che ami vicini a te, di loro all'orecchio quanto ne hai bisogno, amali e trattali bene, prenditi tempo per dirgli "mi dispiace", "perdonami", "per piacere", "grazie", e tutte le parole d'amore che conosci. Nessuno ti ricorderÃ_ per i tuoi pensieri segreti. Chiedi al Signore la forza e la saggezza per saperli esprimere; e dimostra ai tuoi amici quanto t'importano.

Kisses and hugs for you

It is very interesting to follow how my previous dreams rise inside me with much more power and much more visual. redefining my objectives my dreams, my roadmap where to focus my energy have been my latest concerns. I am close to, at least, establishing the steps of what needs to be done within a timeframe. But a forgotten dream is occupying all my being lately- and I wonder is it another of my illusions? or something that might lead to something else happening in the future.
Who knows where the road goes as the feeling grows in your heart- Enia
only time knows.... but are all these signs I have to trust and follow with patience and never stop hoping?
how do we know if what we call as inner voices of our heart and mind, aren't a brain game..... how can we define if what we think at that moment is may be a sign from above for our further step?
where do I get the conviction that it's only the begining of a long road and not the end of everything? How to make the right decision?

all these doubts in my head. I have a lot of fantasy and mostly crasy ideas, but isn't it what makes me feel I live? isn't crossing the borders of the Impossible and making it possible making your dreams come true?

I can't forget the saying of coelho in his book the Alchymist
When there is something you wish from the bottom of your heart, all the forces of Universe will gather to make that wish come true.......
I have to think about it all the time.
But Do I have to go till the end of the world to discover that the treasure has been always in front of my eyes? or is it a path everyone has to step in...
there are many laws of return actually happening inside myself..... I always go back to the same point to the same feeling, I rediscover that fighting against oneself leads to the explosion of what u try to supress, at some point.... accepting identifying and may be putting some rationality in all the process is a much smother path... but I am again rebelling- what I may be need to do is make it come true.. touch it, feel it..... then may be I will know the truth. I will find out what was it about......... why it happened and what is the lesson.

I wish to have only the strength not to deviate from my old forgotten newly reborn dream........ and make it come true. I think it is worth trying.

How one phone call can be so close to changing your life and how in one second, one wrong word, it fails to do so and your life continues unchanged, undisturbed. How Ironic!

It is so weird. You want something really bad, work for it, fight for it, dream for it and when it is within your reach one wrong move kicks it away with the speed of life. And what are your left with? NOTHING!
It's been nothingness for a while, and that does not please me. Not only does it not please it actually does the opposite of it, it disturbs me. It disturbs every breath that I take, knowing that its a wasted use of energy, it disturbs my every cell, every single limb, move or thought. I hate nothingness, i want purpose, a drive, anything!

Thoughts...betrayers of my being. Giving me hope when there was none and taking it away when i could have had it. They occupied my mind, invading my privacy at all times, probably purposefully only to abandon me when I needed a well thought answer. How could my mind go blank in such a crucial moment? Is it chance or destiny?